"Adnap" ... A creature of the high mountains having a black face and white eye markings. ("Adnap eyes" ... The appearance someone suffering from sunburn ). The Adnap eats roots, lutes and sheaves.
“Agrophobia” ... A rational fear of violent skinheads.
"Assertive"... A very irregular verb:-
I'm - Assertive
You're - Aggressive
He's - A bastard
She's - A bitch
We - Are the chosen ones
They – Are the infidel.
"Bungee Jumper"... The style of a train spotter but more money and less brain.
"Capitalism" ... A political system in which smart people oppresses idiots. See 'socialism' a system where the reverse occurs.
“Child” ... Same as a “fart”. It's OK to be proud of your own but don't impose it on anyone else.
"Community"... A word used, by beggars and thieves, to justify ripping of the workers.
"Cultured"... Someone who hears the Lone Ranger's theme and thinks of William Tel.
"Customer" ...
UK/US ... Is king.
Japan ... Is god.
France ... Is a piddly, whiny, insignificant thing.
"Cyclist "... Red faced, abusive fellow. Found in ditches.
"Dance" ... The vertical expression of horizontal desire.
"Engineer" ... Lousy date but good marriage prospect. (No style, but acceptable income and can fix stuff ).
"English teacher" ... One of the besterist people wot am in the world.
"Excellence Award" ... Something given for fixing one's own screw ups ... or to marketers for doing their job.
"Expert" ... One who learns more and more about less and less eventually knowing everything about nothing.
"Fascist!"... Noise made by a socialists upon losing the argument. (From my local paper)
"Fault"... Opposite of "Undetected fault."
"Foot " ... Part of the body which enables us to move. Can operate either accelerator or, I am told, the other thing.
"Gullible"... A word that's in no dictionaries
"Guru" ... 20 years ago I hacked up some shoddy, monolithic code with no comments ... now make a living out of explaining it ... I'm a guru.
"Interstellar Transport" ... technology that distinguishes sentient beings from animals.
"Irish queer" ... A guy who prefers women to drink.
"Lottery." ... A tax on innumeracy.
"Magic" ... Any technology that you don't currently understand.
"Marriage"... Not a word. A sentence.
"Micro photolithography" ... Writing on small, light rocks.
“Organic food” ... The diseased, misshapen junk that the supermarket wouldn't take.
"Peasants"... Dirty fellows who beat on your door with pitchforks and torches.
"Pheromone" ... A substance which, when sprinkled on a handkerchief, causes girls to go weak at the knees. (Chloroform has a same effect)
"Political correctness"... see "New speak"
"Politics" ... "Poly" = Many "tics" = Blood sucking insects.
“Psychopath” ... A word used by nasty, hurtful people ... but they won't be using it again.
"Quaint"... Decayed and plague ridden. ( Terry Pratchett )
"Recursion" ... see recursion
“Rocket science” ... the art of making a good salad.
“ScUN” ... People who read the Sun newspaper (UK only). Next to 'scum' in most dictionaries.
"Single entendre" ... A statement made by low grade comedians which can only, reasonably, have one interpretation. e.g. "The fruit merchants daughter has a marvelous pear."
"Snow boarder" ... Proof that winter sports are going down hill fast.
"Stupidity" ... A capital offense.
“Suicide” ... A cry for help ... Unless you are driving a truck full of explosives. In which case it's a cry for vengeance.
“Suicide” ... Is painless ... Unless you use and industrial tumble dryer and a box or razor blades.
"Synonym" ... A word for which there are on synonyms.
"Trampoline" ... Like an accountant but you take your shoes off before jumping up and down on it.
"Whigger" ... (Afro-Caribbean slang) White teenager whose behavior is a gross parody of black culture.
"Wind Turbine" ... Large machines that extracts subsidies out of thin air.
"Wunch"... collective noun for bankers.