This is a page dedicated to those great one liners which one encounters in life and I feel need further exposure. The words and acronyms section became too big so now had its own page at the dictionary
Survival hint #564 ... Prevent shark attack. Ensure you are dry at all times.
"Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle, the cow blew up on the pad." (Unknown engineer)
"No darling, it's probably the cream cakes." ... The wrong response to "Does this dress make me look fat ?" ( a divorced friend )
"A verbal contract is as binding as the tape it's recorded on." ( L.Niven )
"Don't make fun of dyslexics. It's not bog and it's not furry,"
"Tiger tiger burning bright ... Who set fire to the cat ?"
"If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman present, is he still wrong ?"
"A moment of pleasure, nanny, prep school, boarding school, Oxford, the military and 25 years latter your psychotic son turns up demanding his inheritance".
“There is no place so serene, and no sight so beautiful, it cannot be ruined by a bus load of school kids.” - Me, Temple of the Golden Pavilion, Kyoto
“Old McDonald forgot some vowels ... E I ... E I O.”
"It's not winning or losing, it's the margin of victory that's important."
"Turn on! Burn down! Blow Up!" ( The "anarchists cookbook" c 1980 )
"Try, Try, give up and cheat."
"The pen is mightier than the sword ... but only if its a very sharp pen and a very small sword." (D.Adams)
"There once was an ugly duckling. One day it looked into the lake and what did it see... an ugly old duck."
"Early to bed, early to rise make a sad looser, with no mates, who is working far too hard."
"Red sky at night ... We've been nuked "
"If at first you don't succeed ... don't take up skydiving "
"Sticks and stones can break my bones ... time to get some sticks and stones."
"Show me a good looser and I'll show you a looser."
"Winners never quit. Quitters never win ... Idiots never win and are too stupid to quit."
“The early worm ... gets eaten.“
and “The early bird ... gets fat and is eaten by the midday cat.”
"We have explosives. We have trucks, If I want a mountain moved faith appears to be a sub-optimal solution."
“Even the longest booze up begins with a single sip.”
"If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears, is he still wrong ?"
"No pain, no gain." ... Motto of the Spanish Inquisition.
"Never underestimate the bandwidth of a transit full of tape."
"Pieces of Nine" ... a parroty error.
"The net is mightier than the state."
"Error ID:10t"... User defective.
“There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't”
"This project full of straws. For grasping at, for breaking camels backs and the last ones." ( Another unknown engineer )
"There's one in every party, they live by the gun and die by the million." (after White Dwarf magazine ( the original quote concerned "Traveler"))
"I remove the safety ... Now are these 'aliens' or 'alIens(TM)' we are dealing with'?" ( a role player )
"You wake up and see you comrades putting on respirators, closing their visors or reaching for oxygen bottles. What do you do ?" GM ... "Ask them why they're doing it." Player ... "Please generate a new character." GM
"Jedi master is he and wise. So come how sentences, simple, construct properly can arse smart not ?"
"My wife is an angle ... ever since I poisoned her."
"I have the heart of a poet ... I keep it in a jar. "(Me)
"When my girl ran off with my best friend I missed them both awfully ... So now I have a telescopic sight."
"Kitty go round and round and round ... and then kitty go bing! "
"Oh look ! Look at the lovely, cuddly, fluffy polar be"
"There are old pilots and bold pilots but very few old, bold pilots."
"If God intended us to fly he would have give us more money."
"Chickens can't fly but at they can land."(One got dropped from 3000' )
"It's far better being down here wishing you were up there." (on a bad weather day)
"Helicopters can't fly ... they beat the sky into submission."
"Flying is the 2nd greatest experience of a man's life ... It's nowhere near as much fun as landing."
"Most dangerous aircraft in the world ... P470" (P47 with a Zero on her tail.)
Webster's 1st law of business parks. "Height of fountain is inversely proportional to success of development."
"Look after the pennies and, miss the deadline." ( an accountant )
"There are three kinds of people. Those who are numerate and those who aren't."
The world seems particularly inventive when coming up with descriptions of those less gifted than ourselves:-
"A 'roo loose in the top paddock." (Oz)
"A few K short of a meg."
“Totally 404ed man." (Californian)
Some statements are so palpably mindless I think they deserve their own section.
"There's nothing worse than XXX." ... If XXX is along the lines of "Being tortured to death then shagged for all eternity by plague ridden demon dogs." then maybe it's a reasonable statement. If XXX is, for example, "the bus arriving late" then the speaker has a 'roo loose in the top paddock.